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What does 'parentified adult' or 'parentified child' mean?

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Parentified adults (also referred to as parentified children as adults) are terms used for growing up too early or being exposed to adult experiences or emotions as a young kid. These kids were often told they were "old souls" or "mature for their age".

 

Examples of experiences a parentified child could have include:

  • helping to raise siblings because caregivers were unavailable (maybe they were working a lot or were compromised by drugs, alcohol or mental health conditions),

  • being exposed to details of your parents' romantic relationship(s) that were not appropriate for your age,

  • physically taking care of an ill parent,

  • being an emotional support or "best friend" to your parent,

  • taking on the role of "peace keeper" in the family,

  • missing out on childhood experiences because of your responsibilities at home

  • and other childhood challenges 

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While on the surface these may not seem like bad skills to have at a young age, they often lead to troubles in our relationships with others. 

 

Being parentified as a child can have the following impacts on an adult:

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Lots of times we don't recognize these things about ourselves until we enter therapy. We may feel grief, sadness, anger or disappointment towards the childhood that we missed out on or towards our caregivers who helped create this situation. We also need help re-configuring our relationship with ourselves and with others to allow for childhood experiences we missed out on like play, making mistakes, getting angry with others while remaining in a connected relationship with them and to learn how to get our needs met in relationships. (A great way to work on this is by joining a therapy group - click here to learn more about group therapy).

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I have personal and professional experience with parentification and will happily explore this part of your life with you. I will do so in a culturally sensitive way - too many white therapists historically have told people that their relationships with families are wrong in some way, as if the therapist is all-knowing. I will push you to see your family differently but will also honor your culture and your limits as you share them with me. We can't change our perspective overnight - especially with people as important to us as our family - so I will take it slowly and am happy to be on this journey with you as long as it takes.

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If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, would like to learn more about this or would like to change some of the impacts in your adult life, schedule a call with me.

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